My dear Bennie,
Well, my dear, here is where I'll have to wake up once and for all. No time or space must now be wasted for futile regrets or poor excuses. Both are useless. So, my dear, dear pal, I shall get to a review of your letter and of my life since the last letter (a very weak on, at that).
You have told me already, I think, of your ape. But it has shipped out of my mind for never had I a chance think of it. Really, Bennie, during my whole story at the Maine, you were so active and energetic that during all our tennis, motoring, dancing and what not, you were an elder brother to me. So reading your letter makes me think that you are a lot younger than you are trying to make out your are! And what are you trying to tell me by saying "...with so little to show for accomplishment". You have completed your education, you have attained such a position as to be able to take care of your mother, your home; to have a good time in New York; to go to theatre concerts: you have a car of your own - Good heaven's you are hard to please!
Your third paragraph was most amusing, and it brings up an old subject of our discussion - the power of observation. In your place I would not look at those around me: I would study the contents of the plate under my nose - a quick study prior to exploitation! I would be interested in the stories the old man and lady-friend were telling to each other; they themselves would fail to interest me - I am pretty positive of that. The funny old man would probably escape my notice. If not so, I would wonder how some people get away with imposing on other people's patience - they must appear important and of strong personality - I might even envy him - that is if I was in a dejected mood. If I felt well, I would think very little of him and pass him with distain.
The old maid would make me burst out snickering and gippling. The vow the very young man made would attract my attention for a moment - it would annoy me immensely if I was at that instant swallowing an oyster.
Your opinion on modern fiction is is not of a very high order, and I cannot criticize it because I know nothing of modern fiction. As for the lives of the Saints - I think you shall find it rather dry reading - except from a historical point of view.
I have read some parts of Well's "Outline of History" - but mostly parts that explained illustrations. I think it is very good on the whole - judging from what I read in it. There is at least not sexual orgy about it and therefore it would at least work well as an antidote!
I always read all your write more than once or twice. You better remember that is future, ahem.
Where did you get hold of the idea that I am a materialist? I think I am a bit of a materialist and a bit of an idealist. In my idea everybody should be half in half. The former should keep the latter. The idealist in the man ought to have high and noble ideals for the good of everybody; the materialist in him ought to determine the best method of putting these ideas into practice - and go ahead. [As regards correspondence in general, I am a pure idealist - no moi......................]
I thought your little story was jake! By the way, I have grown a mustache and everyone calls it "baseball mustache" - three out - all out! Have your heard about the absent-minded professor who went up to a fellow called Sandy Mc. Pherson and asked him if he [professor] owed the latter any money?
My dear Bennie, I would love to come over, but you see, it is so far away and I can't get any more leave than four or five days - at the very most - a week. Think of the whole day wasted at Montreal trying to get the fools at the Emigration Office to let me into the "land of milk and honey"! I shall stay here in Levack or go to Toronto where my girlfriend has invited me. I haven't answered her yer, though, and it's over a week since I received her letter.
Last Saturday, my room-mate and I went after deer. I got a rifle at Eatons which is an Austrian military rifle made into a sports model. Quite a powerful thing: shoots 300 yards without a trojection etc. But we haven't seen a thing. Followed tracks of one deer for two miles around a large lake called Moose Lake . Snow covered the groundand most of the lake was frozen. We started out at 8 o' clock in the morning and came back at 5 o' clock at night. It was quite interesting. We had to do some rock-climbing as well. Ice cracked all the time as we crossed the narrow parts of the lake from time to time. Snow storm on a small scale got up and we had a chilling race around the lack to get back out of the bush before dark. We made it because the wind blew in the right direction so as to freeze that part of the lake by which we had to come back. We have both enjoyed ourselves immensely and were very sleepy and tired when we got back. We tried the rifle and it shoots very straight and gives me a feeling of power. I have ordered skis from Eaton Co. Ltd., and ought to get them this week. this is a glorious country for skiing, and my friend here is very keen on it too. So he is senidng for his skis as well, and we are both looking forward to an interesting and active season.
And here I come to a subject over which I shall try to linger as little as possible. It is for me something like walking on nails - the sooner I hop off, the better. Every sentence you put down hit me on the jaw, in the eye and on the nose - but most of all pounded me on the solar plexus. There was no firm jaw - no thin lips or hard expression. I was completely shamed.
There are times - little spasms - in my life when I become absolutely passive - PASSIVE - in every meaning of the word. I am awake, yet I sleep. I stop to think - I dream. I hear dimly the sound of conversation around me, I look but see not...
Am I doomed to go through life hurting those I love and those who care for me - and be powerless? Private property be blasted! There is no such thing as private property of mine as far as you are concerned - but what can you do with this property when suddenly it turns into a vacuum!
And what must your mother thing of me? Do not write a word to her about this letter, please. I must do everything myself.
It is getting late so I must go to bed. Good night, Bennie. I would love to kiss you goodnight now - but would be ashamed to come near you - really, Bennie!
Your very loving,
Guigui
Renette's address
C/O M.K. Peacock Esq.
175 Kitaiskaya
Harbin
Manchuria
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